1. |
Art Is Messy
02:04
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Art is messy! And we are not ashamed!
Chemistry is messy!
Gouache is messy! Gouache is messy!
Art is messy! And we are not ashamed! Art is messy!
The tango is messy! Making a three-egg omelet is messy! Messy!
Art is messy! And we're not ashamed!
Art is messy!
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Art is messy!
Gardening is messy!
Swimming the backstroke is messy! but not as messy as the crawl!
Art is messy! But we are not ashamed!
Art is messy! Is messy! Oh ho!
messy! Messy! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
We are not ashamed!
Art!
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2. |
Salty Dame
04:39
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She drove up in a Stutz Bearcat
Sprayed mud on the doorman's shoes
She was a salty dame
She asked the bandleader for a waltz
And the bartender for a vodka screw
She was a salty dame
I knew I'd seen her face before
It was on another guy's tattoo
She was a salty dame
She smoked without a holder
She hitched without a thumb
She was a salty dame
She had a drink named after her
It was at least half rum
She was a salty dame
Yes, she was a force of nature
(Now let's see how good y'alls dance.)
Some people say that she married a baron
Some people say she's dead
She was a salty dame
From time to time I call her
But only in my head
She was a salty dame
Salty dame
Yes, she swore like a sailor
No, three sailors
Salty
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3. |
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I spat in the gravy
I spat in the tinsel
I spat in the gravy
It's a holiday festival of revenge (2x)
Oh!
I poisoned the egg nog
And I poisoned the cookies
It's a holiday festival of revenge
Yes, I said
It's a holiday festival of revenge
Revenge
I spat in the gravy
And I spat on the tinsel
Yes, it's a holiday festival of revenge (2x)
Revenge
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4. |
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The skywalk kiosk is closed.
Unless you happen to be in the private party that has it reserved, which you almost certainly are not.
The view is heavenly at this time of year. The dogwoods are in bloom up and down the boulevards.
Up and down the boulevards.
But much to your misfortune, the skywalk kiosk is closed.
The skywalk kiosk is closed.
Closed to young families.
Closed to elderly Coast Guard veterans.
Closed to dirty street children who crave acceptance and wisdom.
Closed to lovestruck fools.
And closed .... to you.
Come back tomorrow.
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5. |
Chained to the Wall
06:05
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This is a song about Belgium.
Yes, I'm chained to a wall
Down in the dungeon
Not much to say
I'm chained to a wall
Well, I laughed at the king
When a dog soiled his shoes
The guards took me away
Now I'm down in the dungeon
Chained to a wall (3x)
There's not too much happening
Chained to a wall (3x)
I sure miss clean water
Don't know how long
They've had me stuck down here
It's hard to tell time
When you're chained to a wall
If there were somebody to scratch ... right ... there between my shoulder blades, that would be so nice.
'Cause I'm chained to a wall (3x)
Time sure does pass slowly
Chained to a wall (3x)
Don't laugh at royalty
I'm chained to a wall (3x)
I'd kill for a lozenge
Chained to a wall (3x)
And some clean clothing
There's iron round my wrists
And there's iron round my ankles
I'm not being metaphorical
I'm chained to a wall
My chances of freedom are represented by the numeral: zero.
Now I love the king
I'm sorry for laughing
Please let me loose
'Cause I'm chained to a wall
Yes, I'm chained to a wall (3x)
If I were home now
Chained to a wall (3x)
I'd be pickling the cabbage
Down in the dungeon (4x)
I'm chained to a wall (4x)
I'm chained to an old stone wall with rainwater trickling down it and moss and lichens
Chained to a wall
Down in the dungeon (2x)
Chained to a wall
Kept here by iron
Laughed at the king
Chained to a wall (2x)
And the fifteenth century don't seem like it's ever gonna end.
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6. |
Calling Chris Odle
02:44
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Calling Chris Odle!
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7. |
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Cut off all my sleeves
Off every single shirt I own, and my jean jacket also
Got my flat cap on
So I can look like Brian Johnson - he's my rock n roll hero.
And you best believe when Saturday night comes around I'm ready to rock n' roll.
I'm about to rock - saluuuuuuuuuute me. (2x)
Saluuuuuuuuute me.
Fire off the cannons
'cause the rock n roll dealers are rolling through town.
And I can feel the heat from the driver's seat of my Firebird
It's not for the faint of heart
Let me tell you.
I'm about to rock -- saluuuuuuuuute me. (2x)
By day I work in IT
You may know me as Rob from Tech Support
But by the time the weekend comes I sure am ready to rock
Especially when someone else is on call.
I'm about to rock -- saluuuuuuuuute me. (2x)
Salute me!
Oh!
Ooh!
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8. |
I Got Methods
02:34
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I got methods
I teach fifth grade
Oh!
I got methods.
I'm gonna be vice principal someday.
Someday. Oh!
I got methods.
I teach fifth grade.
I watch recess.
Yes, this is just the beginning of my educational journey.
I got methods.
I show filmstrips.
Oh!
I'm so very excited. So very excited! I got methods!
Oh!
Got all different kinds of methods. All different kinds!
Ohhhhhh.
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9. |
Sauerbraten
03:04
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3 pounds of round steak
Half teaspoon pepper
One carrot, sliced
Four cloves
Sauerbraten
Yes, sauerbraten
Sauerbraten
Yes, sauerbraten
Two cups wine vinegar
One tablespoon salt
Two sliced onions
Onions!
Half cup chopped celery
Four whole black peppers
And two bay leaves
Place meat in bowl.
Pour the combined salt, pepper, onions, carrot, celery, cloves, black pepper, vinegar and bay leaves over meat.
Cover and place in refrigerator four to five days. Turn meat occasionally.
Drain meat. When dry, in pressure cooker melt three tablespoons shortening. Sear meat on all sides and heat the marinade to a boiling point.
To a boiling point.
Strain; pour over meat. Cover tightly, simmer over low heat 55 to 60 minutes - that's an hour.
For the gravy, in a pan blend 5 tbsp melted butter, 5 tbsp flour and one tablespoon brown sugar to taste.
Stir into simmering meat liquid. Cover and continue cooking until meat is tender. Oh so tender.
Remove meat to a hot platter. Stir 8 to 10 gingersnap crumbs into the gravy, then cook until thickened.
Pour over meat.
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10. |
Presidentials
02:39
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Yes, this is the year!
This is absolutely the year I do my first pull-up.
You can just tell how much bigger my arms are than they used to be.
I'm so excited to take the presidential fitness exams.
There's nothing better in gym class.
Running a mile just to make the president happy means a lot to me.
Even though the president can't do a pull-up
And did I mention this is my year to do a pull-up?
I can feel it!
I'm so excited to take the presidential physical fitness exams.
Coming soon to a gym class near you!
Yes, I'm gonna make my country proud with a pull-up!
With my chin over the bar and everything!
Not even cheating!
I can feel it! I can feel the glory!
I'm so excited to take the presidential physical fitness exams!
Ah!
Ah!
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11. |
Electric Bossa
03:14
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Electric bossa!
It's the way of the future.
The future!
Uhhhhhhhhhahhhhhh!
Bossa.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I'm not wired to handle the electric bossa!
Bossaaaaaaaaa! BOSSSSAAAAAAA!
Aaaaaaahhhhhh!
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12. |
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Run your hands slowly through your long black hair
Look out the window at the darkness there
Dark shapes of houses
Dark shapes of trees
Dark shapes of silence
Dark shapes of peace
'Cause there's no shoutin' on the night train (3x)
Time pass slow and silky on the night train
Somewhere a phone is hot in someone's hand
He's shoutin' loud enough to beat the band
He's got a curious idea of fun
I'd like to tell him
That's not how it's done
'Cause there's no shoutin' on the night train (3x)
Time pass cool and creamy on the night train
I've got a place to go but no one's there
I've got a window I don't have to share
I got a vinyl seat
And that will suffice
I got the silence
And it sure sounds nice
'Cause there's no shoutin' on the night train (3x)
Time pass sweet as gravy on the night train
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